Found Freedom


posted by Sheri

In almost five years of motherhood, I've been a "seek freedom or die" junkie. I love my alone time. I need it, want it, gotta have it. I have so many plans. So even if that means staying up until 1am, which I do much too often, I'm getting it.

I recently hit one of those weird transitions that happens from time to time. My work-at-home with baby life has settled into itself while my four-year old is at preschool and one day grandma's for a total of four full days a week. At a current two naptimes a day, that's a lot of free time for this mama. Of course, I'm usually working during those times, but more and more there are lulls and spaces there too.

I know it will pass (Leo will be walking soon...and hopefully that will keep him good and tired for the napping). But in the meantime, I have to tell you, it's been a bit of a struggle. I'm just not the same person anymore. I'm not the single girl, not the just-married girl with a house to fix up. I don't work in an office anymore. I'm not even the mother of one. I'm the mother of two now. I am different and how I approach free time has changed too. I kind of don't know what to do with it. I can't remember or pinpoint one of the thousand things I was going to do the minute I got some free time. And then, of course, there's the fact that I'm really not all that free with Leo sleeping ever so lightly (shhhh) in the next room...

Of course, I'm still wonderful at farting around, wasting time, getting sucked into the ADD-inducing internet, but more I'm drawn to the natural world and the simple beauties of everyday. Like in a way that might be a little weird to some of you. But it makes me happy. But then I feel guilty. For having a moment. For taking a moment. For the happy.

I'm just wondering if anyone else battles with this one. This gorgeous self-portrait shot is from Tracey at Picture This, and I think it so wonderfully expresses the quiet joy she's finding in her newfound freedom.

What about you? What do you do with your freedom? Don't have any? Well, then you're probably not reading this, so just nevermind.