Jennifer Graf Groneberg's Off the Beaten Path column is one of the mamazine.com columns I hear most about from our readers. Jennifer reaches many mamas and others through her lovely perspective on the world and through the gritty, lovely heart in her writing. Her new book Road Map to Holland: How I Found My Way Through My Son's First Two Years With Down Syndrome is being released from NAL next month, and we talked to Jennifer about the book (because we got a sneak peek!).

mamazine.com: In your book, I was surprised somehow and thrilled to read not so much the story of your very special little boy—while I know it's a good one—but of his mama's journey into a new kind of motherhood. Road Map to Holland is definitely about your own personal journey and self discovery, not so much about the details of Avery or your other sons' lives or even Down Syndrome. While this book is surely a must-read for any parent of a DS child, I also feel there's a deeper story in here that every parent can relate to. Was this your intention while writing the book?

Jennifer Graf Groneberg: About two years after the twins were born and we were past the preemie issues and the NICU follow-ups and all the usual baby things, like well-checks and immunizations, I began thinking about how ordinary my life was, mostly—if you accepted physical therapy and speech therapy as normal (which by then, I did: speech therapy felt to me like a really talkative playdate, and physical therapy reminded me of Kindermusic classes, only with less singing).

Throughout this time. I'd been reading everything I could find about Down syndrome, and none of what I found talked about this everyday-life type of thing. I was very hungry for mother-stories, especially, and I found so few of them. Martha Beck wrote a book called Expecting Adam, which I loved, but it was mostly about her pregnancy. Whenever she mentioned her son Adam, I would perk up, Oh Adam!, but in her references, he was already a child. I wanted to know how she and he made it that far, and what it felt like.

So I thought there was a story here. A story about family and mothering and love. And it wasn't a particularly extraordinary story, which in itself was interesting to me, because many people assumed my life had become unimaginable. It hadn't, and I wanted to write about it.

mamazine.com: I really appreciate your ability to tell the truth of your experience, good and bad, throughout the book. The addition of twins!!!, a lengthy NICU stay, Avery's DS diagnosis and therapy, Bennett's hernia surgery, along with all the trials and tribulations of everyday parenting—your story takes us through some very emotionally turbulent territory. What we get in return is a look at a whole person—one with complex and compelling feelings. What was it like to put some of these dark hours and thoughts surrounding your experience on paper?

When I began writing, I put a particular photo of a woman and a baby on my desk: the woman's face was in shadow, and she was holding the baby to her chest, so she could have been any woman, really, and the baby could have been any baby. In my mind, the baby had Down syndrome, and I was writing the book for her; this mother in the shadows. I wanted to tell her about what I did right, and what I did wrong, so she could take what I'd learned and make her own path a little smoother.

But over the course of writing the book, so much came up: memories, feelings. I read once that the body has a physical memory, and some days after writing about certain things, I could physically feel it in my body. And it became clear to me that I was writing the book for me. I was writing it so that I could release this experience, and make way for whatever is next.

mamazine.com: Some of the details of your experience are so crisp and vivid. I wonder, did you keep detailed journals throughout your experience? Of course, the book does mention your attendance in a few writing groups. Was this the story you were piecing together all along?

Jennifer Graf Groneberg: For as long as I can remember, writing has been my way of making sense of the world. I have always been a copious note-taker; I remember being in my hospital bed after the babies were born—Tom and Carter had left to go home—and the first thing I did was take out my little blue notebook and begin writing. It was the only way I knew to process what was happening.

So I had these notes, all along, but what was surprising to me was that some scenes were as vivid and real to me as if they'd happened yesterday, though it was at least two years ago by then. I have a habit of forgetting things in my daily life: I make lists then lose them, I misplace my keys, I forget what day of the week it is. But here were these moments, seared into my memory. I think it goes back to that idea of physical memory; the body has its own kind of wisdom.

mamazine.com: What impact does blogging at Pinwheels play in your ongoing experience?

Jennifer Graf Groneberg: I can say this easily: every impact. I began blogging because of Avery. I was one of two moms in a hundred (or more) mile radius parenting a child with DS in my hometown; on the Internet, I'm one of thousands. I've met so many incredible, amazing families through blogging, and now, I can't imagine not having a blog. It's one of my happy accidents.

mamazine.com: When you look back at your experiences after Avery and Bennett were born, do you think there are ways you could have felt more supported—by doctors, by the system, or by other parents? Or do you think that the living process—one of seeking and reaching out for help and support—was your only guide?

Both. I felt very loved and cared-for and supported by my immediate circle of friends and family (mostly), but I was surprised by the misinformation, and wrong assumptions, and simple ignorance that still exists. I was part of the problem! I was astoundingly uninformed about Down syndrome, and once I began to realize this, I kept thinking, Well why hadn't I ever heard any of this before? Part of the answer is that maybe I wasn't listening; another part is that people weren't talking about it. That's one thing I hope: that people will begin talking about it.

mamazine.com: I just have to ask (and I apologize if I'm beating a dead horse; she just still boggles my mind). In the book, your neighbor and mother-friend "Cathy" severs your friendship and moves away without explanation after learning of Avery's diagnosis. Years later, you run into Cathy and her son at the park but don't discuss anything. Did you ever have "that" conversation with Cathy?

Jennifer Graf Groneberg: Ahhh, Cathy! You aren't the only one who wondered about my reactions to Cathy. My friend Emily was also wishing that I'd pursued a more definitive conclusion. My answer is in part an explanation: when I saw Cathy at the park, we were there for a therapy session. Wendy was working with Avery and I was helping, plus Bennett was at that age when he would just walk off a ledge without a second thought. The path that Cathy chose took her far away from us; it would have required a great effort for me to disengage myself from the playland and go over to her.

But there's always a way, if you're really interested in something, which I wasn't. By then, I'd already had my "angry mom" realization at the doctor's office, and I'd already experienced my share of prejudice and fear. I wasn't interested. I had what I needed in my life—plenty, and more—and seeking her out wouldn't have served any purpose. I could have said, "You're missing so much!" but to what end? I don't believe she would have heard me.

I also came to see that moment as an important part of my personal road map. Because I couldn't be in two places at once, I had to make a choice: I could pursue this hurt of mine, or I could stay with the people who loved and supported us. I chose the latter.

Finally, Emily and I had a conversation about me calling up Cathy and inviting her to lunch. Assuming she'd accept, I could "corner" her there in the restaurant, and ask all the questions I'd never asked. Again, I decided against it. The lunch would be unpleasant for both of us--I'd probably end up choking on my tuna panini. So I took Emily out to lunch instead.

mamazine.com: What authors inspire you and what are you reading now?

Jennifer Graf Groneberg: I'm addicted to creative nonfiction. I just reread books by two of my favorite authors, Refuge by Terry Tempest Williams and Balsamroot by Mary Clearman Blew. I read a lot of blogs these days, too (nonfiction heaven!) and I have a writer-crush on Catherine Newman (a big club, the we-heart-Catherine-Newman-club, I know!). I love strong women's voices in writing; there's nothing that inspires me more than a beautiful, well-told tale.

For Jennifer's follow-up to this interview, read her "Did I really just say that?" post on ParentDish.