Where are all the part time jobs?

Every time I end up in a conversation with another parent this topic eventually comes up. We are all spread so thin trying to do several different jobs, all at full-time hours. Why isn't our society providing decent jobs with benefits for parents of small children, or anyone with diverse interests for that matter? Why are we being forced to choose between time with our children and making money to put food on the table?

I think about this constantly since I started back to work. When I was home full-time, I was restless and sick of my house, and the children and I were on each other's nerves by the end of the week. We missed outside stimuli so badly we'd attack my husband soon as he walked in the door, demanding attention from him. Now I feel like I hardly see my kids. I miss them so much I get weepy. These extremes seem so unnecessary.

When my first daughter was a few months old, I returned to work three short days a week. It was perfect, aside from not getting benefits. I had the fulfillment of earning money, applying my professional skills, and getting out of the house. I also felt no guilt about the small amount of time I spent away from my daughter. There was actually balance between my home and my job.

Then my boss, whom I had told I was not interested in full-time work, slowly increased my workload and hours. Next thing I knew, I was at forty hours a week and running around like a chicken with no head. I had benefits, yeah, but anxiety that required medication to match. I was always behind on paperwork, laundry and dishes. Most of all, I was missing my daughter. There became a dichotomy in my life of what was more important, my child or my mortgage, and if my child is more important, should I work so she's insured?

Through my new workplace, I will pay $44 a month for medical, dental and vision for myself. My last job it was $8 a month. When I was home with my children, I paid out-of-pocket $177 a month. The baby was very expensive, my older daughter was denied coverage because of her medical history, and my husband's rates were high because he is a smoker. When we turned thirty-five, they jacked the rates up even more. I'd had enough and cancelled it all. Until the new benefits kick in, I pay out of pocket for check ups, take the kids to the county for shots, and pray like hell no one ever gets hurt. I used to immunize my cat myself and have seriously wondered how hard it can be to do a kid.

In speaking with my grandmother, I realize an obvious decline (among many) between our eras is the ability to support a family on one income is really no longer an option. To own a house in a safe neighborhood, pay bills, and put food on the table I have to work in addition to my husband. Sometimes I wonder if owning a house worth it. If we lived in an apartment in a decent neighborhood I could stay home, but we would not be saving anything or building equity. So there is a choice, but it's a crappy one.

Another choice is moving elsewhere to sustain or improve the quality of life for less money. I hear stories all the time of people who move to other states to get 2000 square foot homes for $175,000. It also snows and they never see the ocean, but if you don't mind those things who cares. I drove across the U.S. once and was pleasantly surprised by two things: this country is a beautiful place, and I am a northern California girl born and bred. My heart is here and I could never leave it, high cost of living or not.

They are single parents and receive little or no child support and are not just maintaining quality of life, they are struggling to survive. I am grateful I at least have my health, got an education so I can earn more than minimum wage, and my husband takes his role as provider seriously. There are many who don't have the opportunity to fret over a mortgage, and I am thankful for the choices I do have.

The choices I want to see are not only quality part-time jobs with benefits, but also job share, flexible hours, and more opportunities to work from home. I want to see employers who invest in a person's abilities by purchasing video conferencing and computer equipment for home use. I'd really love to see employers who are family friendly, meaning they don't act like you're a piece of crap when you call to say you have to stay home with a sick child.

I left my last position due in part to this attitude, and took my new one partly because they rule when it comes to accommodating pink eye and croup. If another employer ever gives me that crappy look again when I say I have to leave work to pick up a sick kid, I am going to verbally abuse them. Something along the lines of, what the hell is up with your priorities that you don't think a sick child is more important than your company? Didn't these people have mothers?

I remember being a kid with a single mom and going home to an empty house. I missed her, but it wasn't always bad: I ate what I wanted, watched TV until my eyes glazed over, and brought home friends she didn't like. The bad part was it was always a little scary coming home to an empty house, and my mother was always dead tired when she finally arrived. I was so excited to see her, I'd start jabbering away and she'd beg me to stop. Traumatized by the demands of work, I was all she could take.

We were not rich and my mom was single, so I always understood she had to work to pay the rent. I hope my kids will understand, too. It means something to me that I'm the first person in my family to own a home in a safe neighborhood. They don't have to worry about a lot of the things I did growing up. It feels good to provide financial security for them, although this may mean denying them the security of my presence.

I tell my girls all the time I miss them, and I'd work less if I could. Like most people, my parenting tools come largely from my own childhood, and I hated the looming feeling always present in my mother's home of not having enough money to pay our bills. What it comes down to for me is that I'm doing the best I know how with the options that are offered.

If I were president, I'd do lots of things, but supporting families would be one of the first. I wouldn't wait for opportunity to "trickle down," or give tax breaks to big businesses and the rich because they'll "pass it on" to their employees. I'd get real, and create some part-time job opportunities so parents can be parents and individuals to the best of their ability. I'd give them some real choices.