JANUARY 09, 2008

i know, i know, i know...

where the fuck have i been?

i must tell you, i caught a mild case of blog-paranoia. i won't get into the details. but let's just say, i am no longer doing online dating. it started to freak me out. the lack of anonymity.

which led me to a fear about blogging. i started to think about strangers reading about my (semi)private life and now that i have a child, i am starting to feel differently about opening up to the ENTIRE UNIVERSE about blow jobs and vagina waxing and the sex i have not had for over two years.

it is freaking me out.

so what do i do?

write in character? as the Emily in Motherhoodlum? hey, that's not a bad idea. but who has the time to WRITE ABOUT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER'S life when i can barely find a minute to really relax and read Domino while taking a shit?? i mean relax, without a toddler hysterical at my feet to help her pull her sock off.

so there you have it.

i've been hiding out. planning my next move.

i feel weird talking about things like dating. like how intense it is being a single mom and how that plays out with baby's daddy. the trials, the tribulations, the triumphlessness.

anyway, i'll do my best to check in. to fill in in ways that don't make me feel i haven't exposed anything that will come back to haunt me.

oh, i also started to get bored reading and writing about BABY TODDLER SHIT! i started to think, who the heck CARES about what happens to me and how my child is hitting this milestone and eating that food? if it bores me, won't it bore someone else?????

ok, ok, maybe there is something to all this sharing. i don't know. i'm trying to make sense of WHY BLOG right now.

forgive me if I'm complainy, please. ok?

i sound cranky. i know.

on an up note, i am going to sundance with that film i shot in alaska. i am really excited. leaving next week.

and leaving aria for the first time ever. now THAT will be something to write about.

XOXO

JANUARY 16, 2008

the countdown is ON

two more days until i leave for sundance for 7 days. the first time ever away from aria since...forever. i have been talking to her about it and much like dogs get exactly what it is that we are saying even though they can't speak our language—aria totally GETS IT. it's freaky, i start saying, mommy is going away because she is going to go to work for a few days, and she starts whimpering and grabbing me and ...shit, it's fucking CUTE!

then she grabbed ratatouille and jumped into my suitcase and would not get out!

and i'm so crazy that i run and get my cell phone to capture this on video. she is in her dire moment of bracing herself for the first separation ever of this kind, and i'm making home movies of it to send to everyone.

SEE HOW MUCH SOMEONE LOVES ME??!! SEE!!! SHE WON'T GET OUTTA MY SUITCASE?! SEE HOW AMAZING A PERSON I AM??

and on that note, let me see if i can upload it here so you too can see that someone out there really does think i am the cat's pjs. albeit, a two-year old, spawned of my own loins-ish (does that still count?)

hold on....here it is…