Grandmamas Get Real:
Grandchildren and the School Choices Their Parents Have to Make When I was growing up, we had no choices about what school we would attend. My parents were not going to spend money to send us to school, and there was no such thing as "homeschooling" unless you lived out in the middle of a wasteland. We went to the neighborhood school, good or bad. Since we moved about every other year, that meant I had my share of good schools and one or two bad ones. I survived. I went to summer school for reading when we moved from California to Idaho when I was eight. I was taking a business math course in high school, but when we moved mid-year, the only course close to it was bookkeeping, which I ended up failing because I couldn't catch up. But I also had some positive experiences. I learned about Native Americans and how they shaped the West from a brilliant woman who taught Idaho history. I learned about Joan Baez and protesting from my English teacher at a high school that was 95 percent children of military personnel. I believe it is the unexpected things our children learn from different people that can make a difference in our world.
Nowadays there are so many choices. And as a grandmother, I am totally confused. Last Sunday at a family get-together, my daughter and daughter-in-law were talking not just about the kind of homeschooling I had heard about for years but also about a co-op-type of homeschooling where a group of mothers (or fathers? I didn't hear that mentioned) could each choose a subject to teach a small group of children—their child included. Also in the discussion was how parents can "wait list" their children (at birth for some schools; the lists are so long) for a particular private or public school that might be in your school district or neighborhood but may be across town or in the next town. Having worked at a university that trains teachers for several years to teach, I'm more than a bit horrified that just anyone can homeschool their child in History or teach a group of children writing skills without formal training. I'm sure there a lot of pros, but it sure makes me worry. It's the same feeling I get when students are moved to a higher grade level in reading when they finish the one book the group is reading—why not let them read multiple books at that level and let them practice their reading skills in a broad way instead of always moving them ahead. I also worried about what happens to the neighborhood schools when all the bright students and their educated, involved parents send their children to private school or keep them home to learn. What happens when the parent and child choose to learn some subjects at home but then can also choose to join the school for subjects such as piano lessons and French or go on the field trips that the "at-school students" earned and prepared for with their class. Don't schools need bright, articulate students, as well as those who will be bright when they learn the subjects taught that year learning and working together as a group? Don't children who did not "luck out" in the concerned parent area need a knowledgeable teacher plus a group of caring students and friends to play with, to learn with, and to hold as a model for their future? Don't children need to be with a group of diverse people who may not live next door, or on the next street, or who may not be in the group their parents have chosen for them? My children went to our neighborhood school—it was middle class. Most of the teachers were smart and funny and cared about children. With only one or two exceptions, each year was different, and they learned and experienced lots of great ideas, interesting subjects, and diverse people. They both grew up loving to learn (yes, Sheri you did). They went on to have successful careers and both respect and include all types of people in their lives. After a sleepless night, Monday morning came and I read Amy Anderson's "Settling for Okay Schools" on mamazine.com. It gave me a sense of relief—maybe it takes awhile, maybe it takes having a child move through the system. But hopefully parents can realize that the less-than-perfect school may just be the perfect school for their children and their families. Maybe they will come to realize this by talking with friends and family and listening to diverse opinions. If not, maybe experience will be their teacher. The old saying that you "have to fall a few times to learn to ride a bicycle" is probably true…even the most loving parents need to let their children "fly" by themselves and to have faith that they taught them to sort differences and opinions learned or to bring the ideas home for discussion around the dinner table. All of us need to hear diverse opinions and subjects taught in a different voice, as well as experience words that may not be on the "family booklist." Don't worry, Mom and Dad. You have a strong voice; you will most likely be the one that they listen to the most especially if they see you live your words each and every day. Also, before I really got myself into a panic, my friend who is also a grandma came by and we came to this realization: We don't have to decide anything. We are the grandmas. We just love and hug the children and have faith that our children (the parents) are smart and caring, and they will make (or learn to make) the right choices. |
_(archives) Beverly Reed
 Beverly Reed (pictured above with three of her grandchildren) is a mama (to co-founder Sheri and her brother Mike) and grandma to Ruthanne, Clyde, and Caroline (and Leo, not shown). She lives in Sacramento with her husband, Roger, and has worked in the English Department at CSU, Sacramento for more than 30 years. She hopes this column will open her creative self and lead to more daring adventures in the future. search mamazine:
browse by columnist: >> all columns
|
